आपका जीवन अजेय है, अवसाद नहीं।

आज मैंने सुशांत सिंह राजपूत के बारे में सुना, जो एक प्रसिद्ध अभिनेता थे, उन्होंने जीवन की चुनौतियों से जूझते हुए अपनी जान ले ली। मैं थोड़ी देर के लिए इसे थाह नहीं दे सकी । मुझे नहीं पता था कि कैसे प्रतिक्रिया दूं? लेकिन उनके निधन ने मुझे मेरे जीवन के बारे में पुनर्विचार करने के लिए मजबूर किया। हम सभी अपने जीवन में संघर्ष कर रहे हैं। जीवन के दुष्चक्र ने हमें उलझा दिया है, और जितना अधिक हम प्रयास करते हैं, हम इसमें और अधिक डुब जाते हैं। वित्तीय नुकसान, एक परिवार के सदस्य की मृत्यु, बेरोजगारी, स्वास्थ्य, शिक्षा, भोजन, आश्रय और सूची अंतहीन है।

हम इतने निराश और दुःखी हो जाते हैं कि कुछ भी सकारात्मकता नहीं दिखती। इस COVID 19 अवधि के दौरान, हम सभी ने किसी न किसी रूप में अवसाद में डुबकी लगाई या कुछ बाहर आने में कामयाब रहे, कुछ ने योग और ध्यान की ओर रुख किया, कुछ ने आत्म-देखभाल शुरू की आदि हम। हम सभी ने अपने-अपने तरीकों से इसका सामना किया।

आज मैं इस अवसर का उपयोग उन सिद्धांतों को साझा करके करना चाहता हूं जो मुझे चलते रहे। सबसे पहले, अपने परिवार के करीब रहें, वे आपकी परम शक्ति हैं, और उनसे ज्यादा कुछ भी नहीं है। दूसरे, आत्म और आत्मनिरीक्षण के करीब जाएं, इसे हासिल करना मुश्किल है, लेकिन इसकी शुरुआत में कभी देर नहीं हुई। तीसरा, आपके पास जो कुछ भी है उसके लिए आभारी रहें। एक किताब, डायरी, चाबी का गुच्छा, कलम या ऐसी कोई भी चीज लें जिसका आप हर दिन इस्तेमाल करते हों। इसे अपनी कृतज्ञता वस्तु में परिवर्तित करें और हर बार जब आप इसका उपयोग करते हैं, तो आप कुछ ऐसा कहें जिसके लिए आप आभारी हैं। यह अभ्यास आपको अपने जीवन में सकारात्मक चीजों को दिखायेगा। चौथा, अपने आप को शारीरिक व्यायाम में शामिल करना, यह आपको खुश करता है। एक पुरानी आदत को ब्रश करना है, इससे आपको अपनी रुचि में कुछ मदद मिलेगी और नकारात्मकता को दूर करना होगा। मुझे पता है कि हम खुद को अपडेट करना चाहते हैं लेकिन मीडिया से दूर रहना हमेशा एक बुरा विकल्प नहीं है। अपने टीवी को बंद करें और इसे कुछ समय के लिए ऐसे ही छोड़ दें। अंत में, आशावादी बने रहें और हमेशा दूसरों के बारे में सोचें और आप उनके लिए कितने भाग्यशाली हैं। आप स्वयं के प्रति जागरूक हो और स्वयं और अपने जीवन को अधिक महत्व दें।

हमेशा याद रखें, केवल मृत्यु ही जीवन पर विजय पा सकती है। हम इसे स्वेच्छा से समर्पण नहीं कर सकते। हमारे जीवन का मूल्य होना चाहिए। दु: ख, चिंता, अवसाद, निराशा वे भी क्षणिक हैं, और हम उन पर जीत हासिल कर सकते हैं। लेकिन एक बार जब आप अपने जीवन को दूर ले जाने का फैसला करते हैं, तो कुछ भी इसे रद्द नहीं कर सकता है।

समझदार बने रहें और खुद का सम्मान करें। हम इसके जरिए जल्द ही जीत हासिल करेंगे।

- ज्योति जोजफ                                                     

Perks of being in a relationship during a quarantine

"To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with."

This saying stands true during Covid-19 pandemic when we were to stay at home. Many claims that this period resulted in depression, anxiety and psychological trauma, but I want to reveal to you the other side of the story. As I firmly believe that relationships are the key to a healthy, prosperous and happy life.

A relationship has always proved to be a blessing while providing emotional, psychological or physical support. For many people, this crisis turned into a blessing as they got a chance to reframe and rebuild their relationships. Though they faced some grudges initially, a lot of them must have come out with multiple solutions and achieved a positive closure. Many people also survived this time because they had that one person who took the bash for them, else who knows who must have been sitting in a room all frustrated, and having no one in the most vulnerable hours and feeling sorry for self.

Have you realized that this one relationship, has made morning blues fade away, meals more delicious and evening talks more meaningful as this lockdown gave us a chance to be with the person we love. Nothing would have mattered if we weren't comforted while we were afraid to go to sleep fighting fears of this whole unpredicted catastrophe.

Sharing secrets is comforting and dealing with uncertainties of life has become possible, because you have someone who won't judge you. Movies, series and other fun activities are funnier, crazier because you understand each other and your bond is deepening.

It's the best feeling you can ever feel while being with that person.

Human nature always sees negatives over positives but what matters is to focus on the blessings of having your beloved with you.

Else no one can be sure of how plightful life would have been while isolating from the world. It is time that we start to embrace being loved, cared for, and most importantly feeling that we have someone who always has our backs.

It's my request, please stop fighting over petty things; curse each other for unavailability and complaining about disappointments. Start showing gratitude for not doing this all by yourself and appreciate the efforts of others who are doing everything to make it perfect for you.

Quarantine questioned my credibility

"Those who can – do. Those who can’t – teach."

"Teachers are overpaid."

"Teachers have a lot of extra time during the day."

"Teachers build up a tolerance for every germ and virus and do not get sick after teaching a few years."

and the most common one “Teaching is easy." are some of the common myths about the teaching profession.

Teaching is selfless and the mother of all professions but when it comes to giving the due credit we always resist. We need to remember that what we are today is because someone taught us the lessons either of book or life. The biggest challenge in teaching is consistency which is hard to match at times. Age, Generation gaps, Digital interface, superfluous teaching methods play a significant role in the making of a teacher. During COVID-19 teaching professionals were hit by new challenges of virtual classrooms. This concept of the online virtual classroom impacted the lives of many accomplished and experienced teachers as they were digitally incompetent.

Can you imagine the trauma of a teacher in her 50's who has a vast experience in her subject but doesn't know how to spread this knowledge through digital means? No, you can't as now her knowledge is less credible base on new standards of teaching. Her entire career, credibility, experience and contribution is being questioned because she can't press some buttons of the keyboard. MS Office is a nightmare for her.

This all may sound bizarre but in reality, the digital interface has made both students and parents question the teachers. Many incidents have been reported where teachers refused to work due to the constant pressure of being judged and ill-treated. This behaviour against a teacher in an open forum is unethical and has created an unhealthy environment around the profession. 

Our elder teachers are not incapable. We must understand that adapting new things and maintaining pace is harsh on them and their family lives. If a teacher can't run a virtual class smoothly it doesn't mean she can't teach at all. We need to sensitize ourselves as what teachers are doing is extremely commendable and they are also putting everything on a stake in here for the future of our children.

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What to expect from expectations?

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

― Bruce Lee

Perquisite of being in a relationship is having someone who can provide support and help when you need it. In healthy relationships, people help each other out, they’re supportive when the other person is stressed or upset, and they accommodate each other’s needs by sacrificing or compromising. This practice is based on expectations in every relationship. These expectations fly in from various windows and start settling gradually. Expectations are directly proportional to our equations, emotions and interactions with our partner. They may or may not seem to be plausible at first, but take shape over time.

Expectations can't be measured based on ethical or morals grounds, as it is the basic instinct of every human. What matters here is the outcome. You can’t control the way people think, feel, or react. You may try to, want to, but ultimately, how they act is up to them. Expectations may be a double-edged sword, one side they can be 'premeditated resentments’ while on the other 'means to save the relationship'. They are medium of thought, feelings and emotions between partners and affect them in some way or the other. The way they are kept and balanced can be extremely beneficial for the relationship.

When you base your feelings of happiness, worth, or confidence on the actions or reactions of your partner, the readiness of both partners is mandatory. Expecting too much or vice versa can serve as a hindrance and may lead to under or overestimating him/her. Being too straight is harmful as it causes doubts to pour in; this block can only be unclogged by taking them one at a time. While on the other hand not being open about them leads to misunderstanding, chaos and unavoidable circumstances which hamper both. A well-thought action and reaction time is a must under given circumstances.

Expectations have no roots and are highly circumstantial. Every partner must keep each other's abilities and capabilities in mind while setting up the frame. This doesn't mean you can't expect surprises or impromptu situations but flexibility will always make room for excitement and fun in a relationship.

In a nutshell, we can say that expectations have always been the heart and soul of a relation; all we need to do is tame it as per our needs. The sooner we make friends with them, the fuller our relationship becomes. They also enable the strengthening of a relationship by opening doors of interactions, exhilarations and revelations.

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YOU DEFINE SUCCESS!

Success is equivocal. With the change in an individual state, frame or mould also changes and its impact self the most but during our course of life, we tend to forget that human learning is consistent and every time success is formed, reformed and transformed. One must value self while deciding success and should also be considerate while putting it on others. The success achieved by you is not a standard for others. Putting pressures, expectations, norms, social- bondage on others just to make it moral, ethical, and socially acceptable is a grave mistake.

Success is traumatic, it never comes alone and is always accompanied by struggle, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. Sadly, we all fail to acknowledge the efforts of others while figuring out ours. Each challenge is different and so the approach, journey and result, we need to understand it with an individualistic perspective. Our society contributes massively to this trauma factor, ‘log kya kahenge?’ is its masterstroke. It high time that we should realize the undue importance we have given to this. Success can't be only following these outrageous and overrated norms. It is our duty as Parents, Educators, Social workers and Counselors to bring out the best in our family and societies but not by making robots out of humans.

Success doesn't comply with excuses. It’s time that we undo this nuance of mistaking it as financial and career stability. Look around you 'is it so’? No, if success would have been only about money then we would have had 36% of world population unworthy. What I am trying to say here is Success is in everything we do, we achieve or even attempt in our lives. So if you can break your habit and not using an excuse for it you are successful. Success lies in small things. Nothing is so big that you exhaust yourself to achieve it. Give it a thought.

The biggest mistake that we commit while addressing success is that we impose our knowledge, definitions and expectations on others or self. We need to understand that it should not be imposed rather persuaded. We can't achieve it unless we understand its true nature. We can't ask someone to be successful without taking their interests, abilities, capabilities, skills into consideration and this most insensitive way of looking at success. One should always be considerate and compassionate while suggesting levels of success to others. This assertive approach is a great pitch and helps in minimizing gaps between relationships, unhealthy competition, crooked ways of getting things done and everything that follows.

In a nutshell, we can say that Success doesn't define you; you define success before it’s even there.

The one that must not be named!

Stereotypes, Prejudices, Superstitions, Taboos and Myths have been part of our society for thousands of years now. Either as a social weapon to keep the gender (read females) lower, portray male dominance, or just maintain the hollow image of 'holier than thou'. Many generations have reformed and transformed yet none can deal with them, resulting in every individual facing this challenge of right and wrong and getting to terms with it. Societies have been ignorant about the need of humans and have always catered to those dogmas which favored either the power or the male section. Expectations are converted into norms and then made stigmatic for the generations to suffer. These expectations based on the experiences of the family strongly create a hindrance in the sexual and psychological development of a child.

Sex is considered as a bad spell in most sections of society and unguided education has increased crime rates against women including rape, molestation, sexual harassment, eve-teasing etc.

Statements like 'Let us not talk about it it's not the right age, they will understand things their way, we are civilized people we shouldn't talk about it' have always left our children in dilemma. Moral dilemmas being the most common. They even use these experiences as one’s ability to behave in ways that are considered morally acceptable within a particular historical, cultural or religious context. Acceptability becomes complex and to fit in they cater to all norms, whether they agree to it or not.

At the same time, the right to educate a child about sex, in a particular way, lies with the parents. Norms set by the family are strong predictors of the comfort levels for future discussion. As odd as it may seem to talk about the moral development of children as impacting an adult’s ability to openly speak about sex, this is precisely where it starts. Despite this right, many parents choose not to do so.

These predominant figures failures to address sex and sexuality at the appropriate stages result in greater consequences. Given that education remains an ongoing process throughout the developmental continuum, the sooner the dialogue begins, the less likely someone will be to suppress the natural desire to understand it this topic or worse yet, seek understanding in places where the information provided is woefully inaccurate.  It is our ethical and moral duty that we stop making sex a taboo.

Teenagers and Sarcasm

Does your child use statements which you feel are offending?

He mocks someone or something continuously in front of others?

He/She uses peculiar words which are beyond your comprehension or ethics.

He / She is in habit of using Sarcasm.

If you answered the questions as 'yes' then you need to understand this

It is often said that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, since sarcastic comments are most commonly used to provoke laughter at someone else’s expense. To the chagrin of many adults, when it comes to sarcasm, teenagers often seem to have the art of sarcasm honed to perfection. There can be many reasons for them to use sarcasm as a camouflage over their emotions and expectations. Some of them are mentioned under.

Lack of Verbal Skills
sarcasm is a more benign way to express negativity then by being direct.Teens who lack sophisticated verbal skills uses sarcasm as a way to talk back to authority figures like teachers and parents, without being openly confrontational. That way, if the authority figure calls out the teen for talking back, the teen can say that he was only making a joke.

Insecurity
Used as a form of ego defense, in which a person engages in a behavior they believe will protect their ego from perceived harm or risk, teenagers often use sarcasm to make themselves feel better by attacking or belittling others.Using sarcasm is a symptom of fear, including envy and jealousy, and is used by those who feel a need to slight others. This is common in the teen years as children struggle to gain a sense of self.

Humor
While many people find sarcasm undesirable, one individual’s sarcastic comment is another person’s banter. One reason teenagers speak sarcastically is in a simple attempt to provoke laughter, which is one common form of attention-seeking behavior common to adolescences.Attention seeking is common in children because they are still trying to figure out life. Attention-seeking behavior is most often attributed to self-esteem issues, and is often a way to compensate for a lack of self-confidence.

Buffer Criticism
Hearing criticism from others, especially from peers or adults whom a teen looks up to, can feel threatening to a teenager who is struggling to discover who she is. As a result, teenagers frequently use sarcasm to deflect criticism that friends,teachers or family members may direct toward them. By trying to downplay a negative remark or trying to turn a criticism into a joke, a less-than flattering comment from someone the teen has a relationship with may seem to hurt less. Additionally, turning the comment back on the person who disparaged her enables the teen to retaliate in a humorous way.